(no subject)
Jan. 14th, 2025 07:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wachtmuziekdear camryn ,
nobody else understands me . whats worse is , nobody else wants to try . youre the best friend i have .
or , lets face it : the only friend i have . its just you and me here , so lets be honest with ourselves . because why not , right ?
mom didnt want me . dad didnt want to stay . mom got stuck with me . mom had to deal with me . dad got to start over . why didnt we get to start over ? nobody let us start over . Why does nobody ever let you start over ? why cant i start over ? i want to start over so badly , i want to be somebody new , but i look in the mirror and , big surprise , its still the same old me .
everybody else has a family . i just have parents . everybody else has a home . i just have a house . a lonely little house , with a tiny little bed , and the carpets have smelled weird since the day we moved in . everybody else has dreams . i just have setbacks . everybody else has a network . i just have Facebook . everybody else has a connection . i just have collisions .
and then theres him . like , all my hope is pinned on him . like , everything i am is invested in is him , my entire existence is wrapped up in him . like , everything would be ok if only there were him . who i dont even know and who doesnt really know me . but i feel like if I knew him well , i could love him . and i feel like if he knew me ...
who am i kidding ? lets be honest with ourselves . lets just try to be honest with ourselves .
never going to happen . he doesnt care . does anybody even care ? if i disappear tomorrow , nobodys going to care .
they dont even know my name .
im giving up . im giving in . im not fighting it anymore . nothing changes . it doesnt get better . it doesnt get easier . you dont get any wiser . you just get older . your skin gets thinner . your nerve gets weaker . your feelings get hurt enough times that youd rather not feel it anymore . you give up . i give up.
i give up . once and for all , i give up .
sincerely , me .
nobody else understands me . whats worse is , nobody else wants to try . youre the best friend i have .
or , lets face it : the only friend i have . its just you and me here , so lets be honest with ourselves . because why not , right ?
mom didnt want me . dad didnt want to stay . mom got stuck with me . mom had to deal with me . dad got to start over . why didnt we get to start over ? nobody let us start over . Why does nobody ever let you start over ? why cant i start over ? i want to start over so badly , i want to be somebody new , but i look in the mirror and , big surprise , its still the same old me .
everybody else has a family . i just have parents . everybody else has a home . i just have a house . a lonely little house , with a tiny little bed , and the carpets have smelled weird since the day we moved in . everybody else has dreams . i just have setbacks . everybody else has a network . i just have Facebook . everybody else has a connection . i just have collisions .
and then theres him . like , all my hope is pinned on him . like , everything i am is invested in is him , my entire existence is wrapped up in him . like , everything would be ok if only there were him . who i dont even know and who doesnt really know me . but i feel like if I knew him well , i could love him . and i feel like if he knew me ...
who am i kidding ? lets be honest with ourselves . lets just try to be honest with ourselves .
never going to happen . he doesnt care . does anybody even care ? if i disappear tomorrow , nobodys going to care .
they dont even know my name .
im giving up . im giving in . im not fighting it anymore . nothing changes . it doesnt get better . it doesnt get easier . you dont get any wiser . you just get older . your skin gets thinner . your nerve gets weaker . your feelings get hurt enough times that youd rather not feel it anymore . you give up . i give up.
i give up . once and for all , i give up .
sincerely , me .
no subject
Date: 2025-01-16 06:42 am (UTC)